For nearly 10 years I was sole carer of my mother who as time went on developed dementia and anyone out there who has been unfortunate enough to be living, knowing or caring for someone with this unforgiving disease has my deepest sympathy.
I loved my mum very much and would have done anything to make living with this disease easier but some times this was impossible and the only thing I could do was be there for her. I was so lucky that I had a wonderful caring agency covering my back and the wonderful earth angel by the name of Daniel will be forever in my heart. She took care of my mum when I could not and between us I think we made a huge difference to mum's daily quality of life.
In July 2012 mum had a fall and from that moment began to go down hill rapidly. After 6 weeks in hospital it became apparent that she could not go home so with the help of my daughter I began to source nursing homes. My daughter found a wonderful home and so the transition from home to hospital to nursing home began. It was so traumatic for both my mum and me as we had been a duo for such a long time and giving up the reins for me was not an easy task.
So that was it.... I was no longer a carer and being in the new retirement bracket meant that I had to find paid employment. That will be easy I thought.... wrong.....
I had geared everything towards retiring at 60 but then came the new retirement rules that I would be nearly 64 when my official retirement came into being.
I did not think with all my experience and the fact that I had kept up with technology (just) and had so many life skills learned over the years that someone would want to employ me but after hundreds (that is no exaggeration) of job applications it became apparent that I was not going to get back into the work place so something had to be done and quick.
On Christmas Eve 2012 my mum passed away I am convinced that she just wanted to spend Christmas with my dad who had passed away years before and also she was just plain tired. My time for the next few months was spent sorting out mums affairs so I did not have time to look at what to do next. When things settled down I had this thought that I had spent so much time caring and organising my mum and before that my family that maybe this was the way forward and so 'Helping Hand' was formed.
I am now on my second year and have some amazing clients who have become friends. One that comes to mind is Leslie who is nearly 90 years old, was in the air force and was brought up in Egypt as his father before him was also in the air force. He has some amazing stories and I feel blessed that he chooses to tell me these stories. Only last week he said that he counts me as a friend...... I help young mums who are trying to balance not only a career but bring up a family and as I have been there done that know just how hard it can be, so if I can shoulder some of the burden then I feel very blessed. One thing that has come to my attention and that is things in the family dynamic have not changed over the years, women still bare the brunt of family and home life.... so what happened to 'Women can have it all'..... I suppose they can if they are lucky to be able to afford help but not all families can afford full time help so I am glad that my couple of hours make a difference.
I was lucky last year to have a little piece about my plight published in my local paper
If this article gave only one person the push they needed to get out and do something for themselves then that would be a job well done.
I hope this little journey of how I came to be were I am has helped you know and understand me more and I promise from here on in things can only get better.
Until next time
Beverley xx
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